


Paper Birds

by Song_of_the_Black_Wolf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Non-Sexual, meeting fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 05:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9704336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf/pseuds/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf
Summary: Levi was always a horror at meetings.  What will happen when a fidgety teenager in the form of Eren Jaeger is added to the mix?  No pairing.  Crack humor.





	

**PAPER BIRDS**

Levi leaned back in his chair, half asleep.  _Oh the time we waste with these inane meetings!  They’re bad enough as it is, but now that I’m saddled with this fidgety little shit of a teenager . . ._ Beside him sat one Eren Jaeger; titan shifter extraordinaire – Humanity’s Hope.  The poor fifteen year old was bored out of his skull and couldn’t sit still to save his life.   It wasn’t that he had anything to contribute to or get out of the meeting, it was just that the boy was not allowed out of Levi’s sight.  Levi did have to be at the meeting, so, by default, so did Eren.

 

Commander Nile Dok  of the Military Police Brigade was currently talking, using the chalk board at the head of the room.   Commander Dot Pixis of the Garrison Regiment, sat near the end of the table nodding off.  Even Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps was looking a little glassy eyed.  _That idiot, Nile sure likes to hear himself talk!_ Levi thought with disgust.  _It would serve the half-shit right if he farted right there in front of everyone.  That would sure break things up a bit!_

It was a very warm day, so all of the windows were open to let in air.   Levi watched with feigned disinterest as Eren began to fold a piece of paper (he was supposed to be using it to take notes).  The teen ended up with a bizarre looking triangular object with a keel underneath.   It was vaguely reminiscent of a kite.   The boy looked to make sure Nile’s back was turned, then casually tossed the paper object out the window. 

 

His actions did not go unnoticed.  Levi’s eyes widened slightly as he watched the paper object soar gracefully out across the street below, circle around and slowly glide to the ground.  Erwin had noticed too, and though he looked disapprovingly at Eren, he said nothing.

 

Eren looked at Levi with a mirthful expression in his sea green eyes and shrugged. 

 

Then he did it again.  Again the paper soared like a bird until it came to rest in a lady’s perfectly coiffed hair.  Levi’s eyes widened a bit more and Eren suppressed a chuckle as the lady shrieked in surprise and outrage.  _Well, shit! That was really funny!_ Levi thought, his face remaining expressionless as always.

 

Levi paid closer attention as Eren fashioned yet another paper bird and sent it on its flight out the window.  Zoe Hange, sitting on the other side of Eren was watching with equal interest.  Nile drawled on, showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.   Levi decided to make his own paper bird.  Not satisfied to just haphazardly toss the bird out the window, Levi aimed carefully at another lady’s hair and loosed the bird.  He quickly found that such objects did not lend themselves well to aiming.  They went wherever they wanted as the air currents dictated.   The defiant bird finally came to rest, nose first, in the cleavage of a rather buxom woman, eliciting the most delightful shriek of indignation.

 

_That couldn’t have gone better if I’d tried!  That was fuckin’ hilarious!_ Levi thought as both Eren and Zoe suppressed giggles.  Erwin, though unable to see what was going on down on the street from his side of the table, could see the bird leave the building and hear the resulting screams.  The large man pinched the bridge of his nose.  It was bad enough to have the teenager doing it, but to have Levi do it too instead of scolding the boy. . . it was just too much!

 

Zoe loosed her own paper bird out the window.  It went straight up, then plunged straight down . . . into a lady’s extravagant hat.  _Won’t she be surprise when she finds a paper bird in her hat when she takes it off,_ Levi chuckle inwardly _._ The funny looks people gave her were quite amusing as she continued down the street.

 

Eren gently nudged Levi with his elbow.  When the captain turned to look at him, the teenager held up his bird to throw out the window with a decidedly challenging look on his face.  _So the kid wants to see who’s’ll go the farthest, eh?_ Levi wasted no time folding yet another paper bird, then both sent their birds flying simultaneously.  Levi frowned as his nosedived mid-street while Eren’s landed on the far sidewalk in a pile of apples in a fruit stand.

 

Not to be left out, Mike Zacharius, sitting on Levi’s other side, crafted his own paper bird and tossed it out the window.  It sailed effortlessly through the open window one floor down of the building across the street.  They were rewarded by the yowl of a startled cat.  _What a weenie!!  Hate to think how that cat would react if it saw a real bird!_ Levi thought.  _My cat would have great fun with these!_

 

Now all four, Mike, Levi, Eren and Zoe threw birds at the same time to see whose would fly the farthest.  Levi felt smug satisfaction when his actually sail up onto the roof of the building across the street.  Zoe’s and Eren’s collided and landed in a puddle.  Mike’s, however, starting off climbing, took a nose dive and landed in the exposed crack of a bent over vendor’s ass.  The surprised yelp almost made both Eren and Zoe lose control of their laughter.  _That’s what the dumbass gets for not wearing a belt to keep his pants up properly!_ Levi thought snidely. _Yelps like a freakin’ girl!_

 

Nile was oblivious to what was going on behind his back, droning on about whatever he was demonstrating on the chalkboard.  Erwin didn’t want to interrupt by saying anything, and tried subtle gestures and scowls to get his wayward soldiers to stop behaving so poorly, but to no avail.  By now, every person in the room had stopped listening to anything Nile was saying and was watching and listening to the fun being thrown out the windows.  In fact, the foursome had now even gotten the attention of the dozing Commander Pixis.  He was seated near the end of the table across from Erwin, so he could turn and see what was going on outside on the street as it became littered with paper birds. 

 

Erwin’s blue eyes widened in shock as he watched Pixis begin to fold a paper bird of his own.  Everyone in the room, except the oblivious Nile Dok, watched in open fascination as Pixis threw his bird out the window.  Everyone held their breath as the white paper bird drifted out over the street and zigzagged its way down.  As it did so, it passed in front of a horse pulling a cart full of chickens.  The frightened beast reared up with a loud whinny and backed the cart into a lamp post.  Several crates of chickens fell off the cart and broke open on the street with chickens going everywhere in a loud chorus of clucks and squawks.  All of the prim ‘ _ladies_ ’ on the street shrieked in terror which made said chickens panic even more, sending feathers and sawdust flying. 

 

Erwin actually stood up and leaned over the table to see the chaos Pixis’ paper bird had caused.  The toppled crates blocked part of the road and a couple of carriage drivers were yelling at each other to get out of the way while a couple of men tried to grab up all the chickens to put back in the crates.  One of the liberated chickens flew up into the face of a horse hitched to a very fancy looking carriage.  The animal reared and bolted down the street just as it’s well dressed, portly passenger was disembarking.  The man was knocked down and rolled like a ball  down the walk, tripping a lady who fell over backwards with her skirt falling up over her head and her legs up in the air showing off her bright white knickers.

 

The same startled horse dragged the carriage up onto the sidewalk and knocked over a stand of pots and pans on display outside a shop.  The loud clanging caused the horse pulling the chicken cart to bolt, and chicken crates went everywhere again as they fell from the back of the damaged cart.   When all was finally said and done, there were pots, pans, chickens, feathers, flashing knickers and toppled aristocrats everywhere on the street -  oh, and we mustn’t forget the flock of paper birds.

 

The room, which had been holding their collective breath, suddenly exhaled into a roar of laughter.   Poor Nile jumped and spun around, wondering what the hell was so damned funny.  “I couldn’t have planned a better fiasco if I’d tried!” Pixis guffawed.  “Nile, my boy, you just missed the best show in Stohess!

 

Erwin, who was trying very hard to squelch his own laughter, was simultaneously trying very unconvincingly to glare at the two culprits who’d started it all.  Eren was in tears from laughing so hard.  Even Levi seemed to be having problems maintaining his usual expressionless façade.  “Damn, Eren!  Why do you have to be so goddamn funny?!”


End file.
